Advertising and ‘who does what’
About a month ago, Bert and Annie Sue recommended a book called 'E by Matt Beaumont'.. HILARIOUS and INSIGHTFUL TO THE CORE! is all i have to say. Just thought i'd pick a bit from the book to share here. This is the bit where Daniel Westbrooke (Head of Client Servicing) sends an email to Katie Philpott (intern), briefly telling her about advertising and 'who does what' in an agency.
Daniel Westbrooke - 3/ 1/ 00. 10.35am
to. . . Katie Philpott
cc...
re: bienvenueKatie. profound apologies that I will be unable to sit down with you this morning. You have jo ined our hap py fami ly at the busiest time and I find myself caught up in getting the Coke pitch off to a roaring start. I am sure that you must feel a little dazzled by the glamour of it all, but you will find your feet in no time. I have attached a crib sheet that sets out the key roles in our agency. Previous neophytes have found it to be indispensable. Any questions, ask James Gregory, whom J have appointed your 'big brother'.
Attachment ...
CHIEF EXECUTIVE OFFICER - il maestro, le cllef de cuisine, the head honcho and the per son with whom the bu ck most certainly stops.
HEADS OF CLIENT SERVICES - the power behind the throne, if you will. Custodian of all the agency's client s and responsible for the performa nce of everybody in th e Account
Management Department. A cruc ial part of his job is to approve every CREATIVE BRIEF before it goes to the Creative Department. These unassuming A4 sheets are the 'sacred texts' without
which no piece of advertising can be conceived. It is fair to say that with such a spectrum of responsibilities, a head of client services must possess both fierce drive and a passionate vision.
ACCOUNT DIRECTOR - In charge of day-to-day running of one or more accounts: runs a team of account managers and executives; in turn reports to the Head of Client Services.
EXECUTIVE CREATIVE DIRECTOR - if the Head of Client Services supplies the client with an expansive blank canvas, then the Creative Director applies those vivid splashes of cobalt, verditer and vermilion that bring his humdrum products so gloriously to life in the nation 's parlours.
THE CREATIVE TEAM - each comprises of a COPYWRITER and an ART DIRECTOR. The Creative Director allocates creative briefs to teams, and then nurtures from them their finest work.
Following that very "indispensable and appropriate" introduction, James Gregory (Account Manager) sends another email to the intern Katie. This time someone finally tells her like it is.
James Gregory - 3/1/00, 10.36am
to. . . Katie Philpott
cc . . .
re. . . hello, new girlHi Katie. I'm James and I'll be you r account manager on Mako. Dan Westbrooke has asked me to keep a close eye on you. I'm up to my neck organising this afternoon's Mako meeting (usual bloody panic), but I'll clock in with you later. In the meantime, enjoy reading the attached. It was penned by some an on. copywriter and has been handed down through generations of trainees.
It tells you all you need to know about how your typical agency works (or rather, doesn't ).Attachment ...
CHIEF EXECUTIVE OFFICER - some CEOs have been known to have a brass sign on their desks that reads THE BUCK STOPS HERE. This is either a misprint or a bare-faced lie. It should say THE BUCK STARTS HERE. The CEO is in the highly responsible position of having to designate the mug who will officially carry the can for whatever mire the agency has landed itself in. All he!she needs for this are a comfy and ergonomically designed swivel chair, an internal phone list and a nice, shiny pin. Decisions, decisions ...
HEAD OF CLIENT SERVICES - sounds grand, and so it should because this title was invented as compensation for those witless account directors who will never, ever make CEO. They have no power whatsoever, but if they begin sentences with 'as Head ofClient Services .. .' often enough, it will make them think that they do. This title also impresses at cocktail parties where no advertising people are present.
ACCOUNT DIRECTORS - Light bulb joke #1:
Q - How many account directors does it take to change a light bulb?
A - 'How many would the client like it to take?'
This tells you all you need to know about account directors.
CREATIVE DIRECTORS - All creative directors are Useless Tossers. This fact has been established in a number of clinical trials. It doesn't matter how good they were before they were creative directors (and, no kidding, some of them were certifiably brilliant), the moment they settle into that palatial corner office with the wide-sc reen TV and Bauhaus furniture, they assume the mantle of Useless Tosser. This phenomenon has baffled the few scientists who give a shit, which to be frank, isn't many.
CREATIVE TEAMS - Legend has it that the modern copywriter! art director creative team was invented in the sixtiesby the advertising luminary Bill Bernbach, This is bollocks. In fact it couldn't be
more bollocks if it were wrapped in a soft leather scrotal sac and suspended between the hind legs ofa bull. The truth is that the first team actuallypaired up after seeing the not orious David Baileyshot
of the Brothe rs Kray. Upon inspection, this visionary twosome figured that if they, too, dressed in black and looked well 'ard, it would serve to scare anyone from account management off, who had the temerity to suggest 'a few little tweaks' to their work.
Lightbulb Joke #2:
Q _ How many art directors does it take to change a light bulb?
A - 'Fuck off, I'm not changing a thing.'
Love it! Love it! Love it even more because its all absolutely true! 
Anyway, be sure to pick it up from Kinokuniya or order it on Amazon. Should get my hands on 'E Before Christmas' which promises to be equally exciting. I'm taking early gifts for my birthday, so do the right thing !! 
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